last night was absolutely horrible. i puked for about 3 hours straight; from 1:30 to 4:30 am. i felt like my insides were coming out. i finally fell asleep on the couch after exhausting myself. i'm not sure why i got so sick. i felt really good all day yesterday. i am pretty sure it wasn't anything i ate. megan and i had tomato soup and grilled cheese for a late dinner, which tasted really good. i don't know, it could have been the milk. milk products seem to bother me a lot these days. maybe i have a lactose intolerence problem. i don't know how they test for that. i am going to talk to my doctor and see what she thinks.

i have been lazy all day today. still tired, dehydrated, and aching from last night. dad stopped by and brought me some gatorade and megan cooked me some chicken noodle soup. it's good to have people take care of you when you feel like hell. it's kind of weird, but i feel really agitated and jittery, like i can't relax. i'm not sure what could be causing that. i am just glad my stomach is well settled and not aching like it was last night. it was making noises so loud you could probably hear it down the street. i am going to continue relaxing and hopefully sleep well tonight. i really hope tomorrow is a better day...

another chemo treatment in the books. one more to go.... i am beginning to feel the joy or as the ever so old cliche goes, "see the light at the end of the tunnel." last week's inpatient treatment went well. i am pretty sure i know the reason why it was a much more tolerable experience. ok, now is the point when i tell you that what i am about to write may offend or go against some or your beliefs. that's fine with me. you are not the one dealing with the cancer. anyway, on to the point here. one of my doctors recommended that i try smoking marijuana before the chemo treatments. well, i have smoked marijuana before but never before a treatment. i had heard rumors that it had medicinal values and had suspected that this was true. i can now confirm the rumors. it helped me take my mind off of hell. i was much more relaxed and at ease. for one of the first times, i did not puke in the hospital. i refrained from making myself sick before the treatment even started. i feel like pot should be legal for those who use it for medicine and in a responsible way. ok, i said it. don't make a big deal out of it. just accept it and go on....

today is monday and i am working from home. the chemo may have gone a bit better, but it still leaves my stomach in a total wreck. the monday after is always a good day to stay close to your favorite toilet and do shots of pepto bismol. pepto is also one of my saviors. just like the commercial says, "heartburn indigestion, upset stomach, nausea, or diarrhea" - pepto provides soothing relief! when the chemo comes to a halt i am going to pay a welcomed visit to the almighty gastro doctors to see if they can tell me why i continue to have severe stomach problems.

my leg is pissing me off. i have decided that physical exercise is the only thing that is going to help it. i still have moderate pain everyday and it is weak. i can't climb steps very well and i still limp. i am tired of taking pain pills that don't work. i want my leg to be just as stong as it was before this ordeal. i have begun stretching and exercising it. i borrowed an exercise bike from my sister and my leg is not flexible enough to ride it yet. it just won't bend far enough. this won't be the case for long! i want to get my entire body strong, gain my weight and muscles back. i want to show cancer that it cannot win.