the trip to vandy was long and full of drama, but i don't regret it. we headed down there monday night and the rain was horrible. megan was driving the xterra in some of the worst driving conditions possible. i puked twice on the way. once in a paper bag and another in a plastic bag form a gas station. my dinner did not stay down. i think it was partially due to the stressful drive. once we got to nashville, the directions we had were not correct. we took a few wrong turns but ended up getting there. the days inn was totally ghetto. we will never stay there again. for a few more bucks we could have been in the holiday inn select! tuesday morning we checked out and had to wait several hours until the doctors appointment. once we got to the doctor, we found out that they were running 2 hours behind schedule. so the wait was even longer. the consultation was something that could have probably been done over the phone. dr. holt explained the surgery a little. i will have a total knee replacement that is made of metal. it will last 15-20 years before needing repair. i will have to have chemo after surgery to prevent the cancer from living in my body and hopefully prevent it from ever coming back. the length of treatments is yet to be determined. i will need MRI's and CT scans a week before the surgery which is scheduled for sometime around february 10th. i go back to see the surgeon on the 3rd for final questions, etc . that's about the extent of things. the ride home was better. i drove halfway. i got pulled over on the bluegrass parkway for doing 78 in a 65 but the cop had pity on me and only gave me a verbal warning. we made it home and i slept like a rock!

well it is new years eve. i think we may get out of the house tonight and go over to a friend's place and try to celebrate a little. i have been feeling pretty good and i just might drink a beer if my stomach stays calm.

today started off better than yesterday... no puking. i was sick all day yesterday. i couldn't keep down water or my medicines. i called the doctor this morning and explained what was going on and they didn't have much to say. they just called in some more medicine at the pharmacy. it feels like my stomach cramps up about every 30 minutes or whenever i put anything into it. i feel hungry but almost afraid to eat anything.

megan and i are heading for nashville tonight. i got a room at the days inn close to the vandy campus. i hope the traveling is good and i don't get sick on the way. it is normally about a 4 hour drive and they are an hour behind our time. i hope we get there by 8:30 or 9 pm.

not much else is going on today. i found out that an old friend of mine had cancer a while back and beat it. it is good to hear other peoples success stories. it still amazes me to know how many people cancer affects....

once again i have been lazy and have put off posting for a while. i had a pretty good christmas. santa was good to me. i ate a lot on christmas day and felt the effects the next day. i don't think my stomach has calmed down since. i have probably lost several more pounds because of it. it seems like i vomit everyday for one reason or another. it is discouraging. i don't want to be sick everyday.

today is the last day that i have to do the IV of antibiotics. the home health nurse will be here any minute to remove the needle from my port-a-cath. thank god. i am so tired of doing the IV twice a day. it has been a major inconvenience for both me and megan.

i am looking forward to tuesday. we are meeting with my surgeon at vandy. i am not sure what we will talk about. i assume we will plan the surgery and set a date. i want this tumor out of me now. i know i can handle the physical pain from the surgery. the rehab is going to be rough, but there is no way it will be worse than the chemo treatments. i am hoping that the surgeon will opt for no more chemo after the surgery or minimal treatments. my body can't handle much more.

i just want to be normal again. i want my life back. i want to go to work and get into a routine again. i want to do things for myself. i just feel like screaming. i know things will normalize soon enough, but getting there is a bitch.