today was a lazy day. not much going on. we sat around until about 4pm. finally got a shower and dressed and went out to carabba's to eat. i saw an old friend that i had not seen in a while. he was pretty shocked to find out what i was dealing with. kind of funny but, his brother was actually the person that suggested that i start this blog. anyway, dinner was good and i filled up quick. i just can't get over how small my stomach has gotten.

tomorrow is going to be a sad day. visitation for megan's granny flossie will be pretty much all day. it is still hard to believe she is gone. those summer cookouts and church activities will not be the same without her. i just try to remember the good times and stress that to megan when she gets down. i hope i wake up strong in the morning and able to support megan and her family throughout the day. i don't want attention directed toward me. i still have to be prepared to answer the daunting "how are you?" all day. i hate that so much.... i want that attention on granny flossie's life and all of the great things she did.

well, what can i say about today... i went to UK this morning to get some blood work done. they said all is good with my blood levels. i forgot to take my anti-nausea pill this morning so by lunch time i felt crappy. about an hour after i took the pill, my appetite picked up and i felt quite a bit better.

on another note, i got bored earlier and started picking out components to build a new computer. we have been using the same desktop pc for about 3-4 years and it just isn't cutting it anymore. i use a sony vaio laptop to couch surf most of the time, but megan uses the desktop for auto-cad and photoshop. it is an old P3 500 mhz. i have been reasearching components that i like for a couple weeks now. after reading tons of reviews, i decided to bite the bullet and order the stuff. i think i got a pretty good deal on everything. building a new pc will give me something to do in the coming weeks and allow me to play multi-player games online with some friends.

next week i will probably try to get as much of my xmas shopping done as possible. i need to get things ordered so they will have plenty of time to get shipped here. i plan on doing about 95% of my shopping online. it is much easier to compare prices and you don't have to get out in crowded stores.

snow is in the forcast for tonight and tomorrow morning. i hope we get an inch or two. my philosophy about winter is if it has to be cold, it might as well snow. snow seems to make things more interesting.

last night was a night of tossing and turning. i had to set my alarm clock so i would remember to take my pills every 6 hours. then we got a call around 8 a.m. from megan's dad. her grandmother had passed away in her sleep last night. it feels like someone is playing evil tricks on us. just as i am starting to feel a little better, this happens. i can't help from screaming, WHY??? why is this happening to us at this time? no answers come. there is no explanation. her granny was such a kind, loving, unselfish woman. she would always say how much she loved me just like a grandson. the last time i saw her she told me how she wished that she could take these chemo treatments for me. i know she is in a much better place than this cruel world and she will truly be missed!

i made it home today after a luxurious 3 day, 2 night stay at UK hospital. i have to say that it is good to be home! the meds seem to be working pretty good. my nausea is pretty well contained. i have to take these special pills every 6 hours to counteract the poisonous chemo. these pills protect my kidneys.

right now i am fairly hungry but i have no idea what i'd like to eat. i woke up at like 5 am this morning craving frosted flakes. my dad went to the cafeteria and got me 2 of those prepackaged bowls and a danish. i ate both bowls and half of the danish. damn it feels good to eat like a hog!

not much else is going on. i am just taking it easy as usual and watching tv.

i spent the night in the hospital getting some chemo. it looks like i will have to stay one more night and take IV fluids to flush my kidneys. this chemo is highly toxic to my kidneys. luckily i have not had the nausea that i had before. they are trying some new anti-nausea medicine on me this time. this medicine also treats anxiety and stimulates appetite. the medicine is also use to treat schizophrenia, so i am taking care of my insanity at the same time. hahaha. i just took it about an hour ago and i am trying to gauge how it has affected me. i feel more calm and relaxed. i also feel less likely to be sick. the crazy meds must be workin. guess we'll see...

the main problem with hospitals is how boring they are. the tv is the only thing to take your mind off things. that gets old, fast. especially the daytime tv lineup. all of the shows are aimed at stay at home moms and their toddler children. gimme a break... having my laptop here helps out a little. it adds to the the distraction. i have to admit that his room is much better than last time. it is much larger and has an attached private lounge/waiting room. you could pack a party of about 25 in here if the liquor was flowing. speaking of liquor, the craving for a bottle of beer or a jack and coke has hit the roof. it has been over a month since i have had a drink of alcohol. if i get feeling better in the next few days, i may just have to sneak a small drink.

enough for now folks. have fun at your daily grind. sadly i miss mine with a passion. i miss the repetative normalcy that i am so used to. i miss talking to the 1 out of 10 people that just has no clue and never will....