sorry for the long delay in posting. just so you know, if i go a long time without posting, things are usually pretty good. i have had a rough time with the wound on my stomach. i did a really stupid thing and removed the staples from it a week before they were scheduled to come out. a small part of the wound popped open and it drained for over a week. it has been about to drive me crazy. i learned my lesson about trying to doctor myself! yesterday i saw a special gastro doctor about my stomach problems. at this point they are stumped. they will not say that i have crohn's. we are still waiting on pathology and blood test results before we know exactly what is going on in my stomach. i go back in 3 weeks to find out more information and decide on a course of treatment.

i am not looking forward to tomorrow. i go into the hospital at 9am to start chemo again. i will have approximately 10-12 treatments spread out over 16 weeks. when this is all over it will be close to a year. i really thought it would have been over by now. i keep getting thrown curve balls. my leg still hurts. i need to begin physical therapy on it soon. i feel like it is getting weaker every day that i wait to start therapy.

well, i gotta run and get ready for tomorrow. bye for now.

today started out pretty good. i stayed in bed until almost noon. i got some real quality sleep. when i got up i felt decent. as the day went on i started to feel worse. i got a sudden urge for a cheeseburger, so i headed over to MickeyD's for some grub. i got home and took about 3 bites of my burger. it tasted good, but i got a sudden wave of nausea. i put the food down and grabbed a trash bag. i knew that i was going to vomit sooner or later. i layed back down in bed for a while until the sickness hit. i vomited a couple times. i think it was the most painful it has ever been. my stomach felt like it was being ripped open because of the cut from surgery. i pressed a pillow tight to it as i got sick. finally about an hour ago i started to feel better. it looks like i am back to the clear liquid diet until i get myself in shape. i ate some jello and took some pills for my stomach pain. i am going to try to make it in to work tomorrow if all goes well. right now i am just going to take it easy. i am really hungry but i don't know what to eat.

i finally got to come home yesterday morning. it always seems like an eternity when i am in the hospital for more than a day. this last week has been filled with nothing but pain. pain seems to be a way of life these days. i have a 2 inch scar above my belly button from the surgery. whenever i use my stomach muscles to sit up, laugh, or cough i get an extra jolt of discomfort. this reminds me when i was in the 5th grade and had my apendics removed. it was very similar. i had a little pillow to press against my stomach when i laughed or coughed. it actually seemed to help.

right now i am scheduled to start chemo this coming wed. but i don't think i will be ready. i want my stomach to heal completely before starting chemo again. i think i would pass out from the pain if i had to puke right now. i am allowed to eat solid foods, but it doesn't take much to fill me up. i think my stomach shrinked after a week of no solid foods.

well, i am going to watch some NCAA tournament games. the cats play tonight and should have an easy win. times like these the couch and tv are my best friends.

chemo did not start as planned. i had a follow up CT scan to the one i had before my knee surgery. it also came back abnormal. my oncologist said she could not start the chemo again until we found out what was up with these enlarged lymph nodes in my abdomen. i had an exploratory surgery yesterday to remove the enlarged lymph node for a biopsy. while the surgeon was in my abdomen he found what appeared to be lesions and partial blockage in my small intestine. he removed a 5cm section of small intestine. upon initial inspection of the tissues, no cancer was detected. an in depth pathology will be decisive. the doctors seem to think it may be something like crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis. much more treatable than cancer. whew! what a huge relief. i was so worried that i may have lymphoma.

if you know me, then you know that i have had significant stomach problems on and off for about 9-10 years. i visited a gastro doctor about 3 years ago and got things somewhat under control. i believe that stress and chemo have caused this flare up in my lymph nodes. it may be a blessing in disguise that this was found now. it is possible that this next round of chemo could have caused my small intestines to burst or leak out into my abdomen. that would have been big trouble. i could have died from that.

as it stands now i am in the hospital. when my bowels start working correctly i will be able to eat solid foods again and be discharged. i have quite a bit of pain in my abodomen. they are giving me morphine and percocet for pain relief. they also have me out of bed and walking the halls. as soon as i recover from this surgery and we get a pathology report i will start chemo again. for now i am just trying to take it easy and recover as quickly as possible. i see this as a minor set-back in my course of treatment. i am just thankful they found it when they did.

the dreaded day is tomorrow. right now i feel like hell. i don't want to start chemo again. i just want to run away. just thinking about it and typing this makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach. i don't know what i can do to make it better. i don't think anything will help. i couldn't sleep last night. i tossed for a few hours on the couch and a few hours in the bed. tonight will probably be worse. it is totally a mind game. right now i am going to take my mind off of things and watch UK play for the SEC title.

it has been a while since the last post. i visited my oncologist on monday to find out what my chemo schedule would be. it looks like my schedule will be similar to what it was before the surgery. i will actually have a few more treatments spread out over more weeks. to me this was not good news. but i guess if that is what it takes, i'll do it. my doctor also addressed my pain. i was taking too many pills and not getting enough relief. the pain pills contain tylenol which in excess of 4 grams per day can be toxic for the liver. there were days that i would consume 6-8 grams of tylenol. she prescribed a pain patch that sticks to my skin and releases a constant supply of medicine. it seems to work fairly well with minimal side effects. i find that i still need a pill every now and then for break through pain. my lower back and femur seem to be cause of most pain.

next monday morning i have to report to the hospital to have a CT scan repeated and start chemo again. my last CT was read as abnormal. i think it is because i ate breakfast beforehand which showed up in my stomach and spleen. she thought maybe it could be that or some type of infection. she did not think it was cancer related. i will be glad to get this test done for peace of mind. i won't be gald to climb back in that hospital bed.

some other events have happened to cause megan and i to become a little down. it is unfortunate that these events had to take place at this time, but in the overall picture of things they are minor. we will cope and bounce back.

the trip to nashville brought some great and dreaded news. i'll get to the news in a minute. the drive down was crappy as usual. it seems to pour down rain everytime we make the trip. this time we skipped a hotel room and stayed with our friends helen and rob. they live about 20 minutes from the hospital. we really enjoyed their hospitality and visiting with them. much better than a hotel.

the doctor had good news about the tumor that was removed. The chemo killed 95% of the cancer cells. this means that the chemo was very effective. bad news is that since it worked so well, i will most likely have the same type and amount of chemo again. i still need to contact my oncologist this week to discuss the details with her. i was really hoping for fewer lower doses. i guess it is better to be safe than sorry later on. i just want this to be over. i want to be sure the cancer is gone and the probability of it coming back is very low.

my mobility has increased a bit. just removing the staples helped some. i can put about 1/3 of my weight on my leg and bend it about halfway without much pain. getting around on the crutches is tiring but not too bad. i am glad to be out of the house today and back to the office.