once again i have been lazy and have put off posting for a while. i had a pretty good christmas. santa was good to me. i ate a lot on christmas day and felt the effects the next day. i don't think my stomach has calmed down since. i have probably lost several more pounds because of it. it seems like i vomit everyday for one reason or another. it is discouraging. i don't want to be sick everyday.

today is the last day that i have to do the IV of antibiotics. the home health nurse will be here any minute to remove the needle from my port-a-cath. thank god. i am so tired of doing the IV twice a day. it has been a major inconvenience for both me and megan.

i am looking forward to tuesday. we are meeting with my surgeon at vandy. i am not sure what we will talk about. i assume we will plan the surgery and set a date. i want this tumor out of me now. i know i can handle the physical pain from the surgery. the rehab is going to be rough, but there is no way it will be worse than the chemo treatments. i am hoping that the surgeon will opt for no more chemo after the surgery or minimal treatments. my body can't handle much more.

i just want to be normal again. i want my life back. i want to go to work and get into a routine again. i want to do things for myself. i just feel like screaming. i know things will normalize soon enough, but getting there is a bitch.