Busy, Busy, Busy
Time has flown by so fast since Jimmy had his last chemo. We took our "mini" vacation (the weekend) to the Casino and to Cinci. We had a great time! We won about $130 at the casino, the cost of our room at Caesar's and ate at two FABULOUS restaurants. We also stayed at two great hotels- the Westin in Cinci being my favorite (the Heavenly Bed and Bath was grrrrrreat). We also got to go the new (somewhat new) Cincinnati Contemporary Art Museum designed by architect Zaha Hadid. It was pretty cool, but there weren't as many exhibits as I had hoped. We also got loaded up on the good deals from the GAP outlet!
I have since started school and am beginning to get really busy with projects, readings and class assignments. I am a full-time TA for the semester (and next one, too)- which keeps me busy as well. But, I'm enjoying everything very much- and haven't been this happy in a long, long time. I just hope I don't get too stressed out!
This weekend we are planning a party for Jimmy's completion of Chemo. We've invited just about everyone we know- family, friends, neighbors, classmates, aquaintances, bums- you name it- so, if you're reading this and haven't gotten the invite (I sent out an email, some responded, other's didn't- and some I just didn't have emails for)- please let me know... or just come to the party this Saturday (11th- at 7:00 pm) we'll have plenty of beer and (hopefully enough) appetizers for all!
Well, that's all for now... it's been a busy weekend and I've got more reading to do for school... so, I'm off to bed!
Tonight is the last night we hope we ever have to spend in the hospital. Jimmy received his last chemo treatment (ever?) last night, so, today he is just getting fluids to flush (literally) it out of his system. I think we have been waiting for this for so long that we aren't really sure how to feel. I'm not sure we really believe it's over yet. Though, he will have lots of follow-up visits, physical therapy and trips to the gastro doctors about his stomach problems. Still, at least all of those things are meant to better him, not harm cells inside his body.
I guess it's been awhile since I last wrote so, I'll do the "abridged" version. Although, I will say, I did write a very long blog about two weeks ago and I got disconnected before I could post it- I was bitter for awhile since I lost it ALL- but, I'll give it another try.
I took the GRE- though it did not end up like I had hoped. The testing center was loud and disruptive with people constantly coming and going. The testing center gives more than just the GRE, so, pretty much everyone there was taking a different test at different times. The center is pretty run down in equipment, facilities and furniture. The drainage hole in the middle of the room was really annoying, especially when someone down the hall would flush the toilet. But, the most annoying thing- and I do mean "thing" - was the guy behind me pounding on the keyboard. I was so distracted that I didn't even finish the quantitative section of the test- I didn't even get to answer the last 6 out of 28 questions. Bummer. My score was less than desirable- but since I didn't HAVE to get any certain score on the test- it didn't really matter (except to me).
I found out last week that I have been officially admitted to the program and have received a teaching assistant position as well as a research assistant position- which will fund all my schooling (but, not the rumble in my tummy- Jimmy will have to do that ;) I have to go to a training session several days next week, as well as orientation for grad school. I'm really excited and hope I am able to enjoy school without stressing out too much about it.
Besides getting ready for school, I have been quite busy with other things I'm designing around the house and at my parents' house. My mom and I have also worked on our business- for which we still have no name. In case I haven't explained before, we are making purses to sell and hopefully, we'll get to a point of hosting parties where you can design your own purse and we'll make it. It's a lot of fun, but I'm not as good at the sewing as my mom. Until recently, I hadn't sewn since high school- and I was very much an intermediate beginner then. But, with my granny's sewing machine, I'm giving it a whirl. Hopefully we can make some money.
Next weekend, Jimmy and I have decided to get away for a few days. We wanted to go to a beach- but thanks to Charley and Bonnie (the hurricanes, not my parents)- they made that impossible and definitely undesirable. So, we are saving our pennies (well, a few, anyway) and we are going to stay at the Westin in Cinci (visit some museums, good eats, etc.) and then go to the Casino Boat in L'ville for a couple of nights (I stink at gambling, I'll be at the pool mostly). So, we are excited- to say the least.
We're hoping around Labor Day weekend to have a celebration party for Jimmy's chemo completion and our 2nd anniversary. I'll be sending out an email to get addresses from everyone.
Until next time...
Jimmy was finally able to get chemo this week. So, that puts one treatment more behind us. He's had 14 treatments to date. We have a week off this week and then more chemo on the 29 and 30th. His last treatment should be on the 18 and 19 of August- making a grand total of 16 treatments. Then it will be on to physical therapy- the next big hurdle- but, at least that should help him feel BETTER.
Not much else going on. Just been hanging out at home- counting the days, hours, minutes, seconds till this is over. Lately, I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else. Though, I'm in a better mood than I was the last time I wrote. I have three days to study before the big test. I haven't opened the study guide in probably two weeks. I just don't seem to have the desire to do it. I'm gonna try to make myself go to the library today and get a few hours in.
Well... that's all for now...
After a month, I guess I finally have enough info to post a blog....
Since the last post, Jimmy and our families celebrated his 26th birthday. I got him a grill- which also has great perks for me! It's a great way to get a man to cook- and get his mind on more positive things.
I've also been studying for the GRE. I have to take it next Tuesday the 20th. I've found out that I don't have to get any certain score on it- I just have to take it since it's required by the university. But, I want to do my best, so, I thought doing a bit of studying would be necessary.
Hmm.. what else do I have to share? I'm sitting here trying to think of what else to write about when I'm not even sure it's worth my time to share any of it. Does anyone really read this? If not, do I feel better writing it? I haven't been in the best mood lately. I feel as if my (our) whole life is on hold- and if that's not bad enough... we can only see the end of the chemo as it's dangled over our head- just out of reach. Jimmy's chemo has been delayed the past two weeks, putting us into the middle of August before it's over. I start school on the 25th and we wanted to get away for a while, possibly even have a party before that happened. But, now, that is up in the air- and most likely not going to happen. I feel like I'm going crazy. I was doing ok until this past chemo treatment got delayed twice. And what's even harder, is that I don't feel that there are that many people who understand what I'M going through. Yeah, I'm not the patient, I'm not the one who experiences the actual physical pain, but I have to pick up the pieces, be the "behind the scenes stage manager"- and let me tell ya, I'm wearing thin. I waiver back and forth between being happy and on the edge of falling apart. There have been so many people that have said "this will bring you closer" or "have faith" or "it will be over soon" and I just want to throw up! No one knows how this feels unless you go through it and even at that- you have to be the number one caretaker of that person to even get a clue. Your life, your needs ALWAYS come second. Sometimes I feel that I'm made of glass- people just see right through me to get to Jimmy. In the same way, I feel like as they do that, they might as well be hitting me with a hammer, because I'm breaking inside, too. I'll be honest, our relationship has suffered- and I'm not sure what shape it will be in by the time this is over. I'm not saying that we are going to split up or that we don't love each other, but, our relationship feels different- and I don't think we can get it back to the way it was- ever. The thing about cancer is it doesn't matter who you are, how much money you have or what you know, you can't escape it. I guess that's the way it is with any kind of sickness. And you never realize how lucky you are or "were" until it happens to you. But, what can we do? Continue to wait, I suppose....
I guess it's been awhile since I posted anything, so.....
This past weekend was a pretty good one. I went to Bristol TN/VA for my friend, Anna's wedding. I've known Anna since I was about a year old, so, seeing her get married was a bit odd (nevermind the fact that I'm now married, too). But, her new husband is a great guy and they both seem very happy. I have to admit, I felt a bit envious of her. I really wish Jimmy and I could be that happy now- but, I have to hold on to the fact that someday we will be again. Besides that, the wedding was very simple, yet exceptionally beautiful. It was at her parents' church (her father is the pastor there and performed the wedding). Just about everything (excluding her dress, bridesmaid dresses and tuxes) were all hand-made by family and friends. All of the bouquets (including her's-- which she made herself), the boutonnieres, corsages, arrangements, all of the food, and even part of the wedding cake (my mom, who hates to cook, even made the icing- I was a bit skeptical ;) We were at the church till 1 am the night before the wedding getting everything done. I was truly amazed at how beautiful everything was. She used the pew decorations that we had at our wedding (Cone-shaped bouquets made out of sheets of music tied up with tulle). They looked really good with her pink roses. Her new sister-in-law is going to use them at her wedding (it's great to recycle). The whole thing went by fairly quickly. The wedding started at 2:30 and they were gone by no later than 4:15. But, it was really nice.
This morning Jimmy had another round of chemo. This is the first one he was able to do as an outpatient. Ok, I know I've talked about this before, but due to my frustration, it's worth mentioning again... They had told us at the hospital that it would only take about 30 minutes to do (and at 8:30 in the morning, that sounded great), but nearly three hours later, we were still sitting there waiting for them to get started. I get so frustrated just sitting and waiting. The healthcare providers seem to have no problem asking us to wait- as if our life revolves around our trips there (well, they kind of do... but, still there's a limit). And they're NEVER prepared. They know when he's coming in- and yet they don't order the medicine from the pharmacy until the very last second. Thus, having us wait even longer. I guarantee if I, as a designer, was to see a client (especially a doctor) and I didn't have their design ready or I made them wait three hours (much less even one hour)- they'd have PLENTY to say to me. But, somehow, because these people are doctors and nurses and because they are taking care of us, we are supposed to bow down (or bend over- which ever you prefer) and say "oh, that's ok, we aren't real people with lives... don't worry, we can just ask god to make our lives a bit longer to make up for it." Ok, so that's a little dramatic- but, seriously, I can't even count how many hours we have waited and waited and waited to see a doctor or get some kind of treatment. People say Americans watch too much TV- well, I'd be willing to bet that waiting for the doctor takes more time out of our lives than TV does, and there's no enjoyment in THAT! Ok... now stepping off my soapbox-
Until next time....
This is going to be one long post....
Today we are back in the hospital. Jimmy's platelets were finally high enough for him to receive more chemo. He was a bit sick this morning, he had some spicy chinese food last night at our friend's birthday party. So, needless to say, with his sickness and nervousness he was really dreading starting back with chemo.
The weekend was not-so-great, as most everybody knows. We lost electricity Thursday night during the tornado/storm. We went to bed thinking they would get it on sometime during the night. No such luck. We called KU to get an estimated time the electricity would be back on, and found out only one other person (about 15 minutes before us) had even reported that the power was out! So, our street had not yet been assigned to get the power back on. However, in the meantime, our cellar was flooded with about 3-4" of water and rising. Luckily, Jimmy's dad brought us up a generator that powered the sump pump to drain out the water. We also managed to power our refrigerator to salvage some of our food. However, by 7:00 Friday night, our electricity was still not on. So, we packed up and went to spend the night with his parents. We had a nice stay with a great breakfast the next morning.
Saturday, I went down to my parents' house and to shop at the "Saturday in Carlisle" fair. It turned out to be a nice day and to Jimmy's dismay, I wound up toting a lot of things back home :) But, I had fun. My mom and I have noticed there are a lot of buildings for sale downtown, one that I have been wanting to fix up for years. We're tying to think of some businesses we could run so we'd have reason to buy a one. One of the buildings is the old Baker's Apartment building. It used to be so nice, but, has gotten really run down. We thought we could fix it up and make it into a bed and breakfast or hotel. Who knows... I think most people think we're crazy for even thinking about such a challenge.
Sunday was good- except for the rain, again. I went to a purse party hosted by my friend, Sue, from Chicago. She is doing a little business on the side, hosting parties where you can design your own purse. It's pretty cool. You pick out the shape, the size, fabric, handles, fringe/beading, etc and then they make it and send it to you. The possibilites are limitless! I can't wait to receive mine.
On Monday, we drove down to Nashville. Thank goodness it was a nice day. We usually end up driving down at night in the pouring down rain. Of course, the rain did manage to get us on the way back. Jimmy thinks it only "sprinkled" for about 15 minutes- but he slept about 3/4 of the way back!
In Nashville, we hung out with my friend, Greg. Oddly enough, he's actually an old boyfriend of mine, but he and Jimmy have almost become better friends than he and I! He took us to a couple of cool restaurants. One of them, Verago, was very "swank". They had recently renovated it and it had a very relaxed modern feel to it. We had some sushi (some of the best I've ever had- or maybe I was just THAT hungry). Then we went to "Goldrush" for a night cap. We had a great time.
The doctor's appointment went well. We were amazed with how much metal really is in Jimmy's leg. I estimated about 24-30" long. Jimmy's going to get the x-ray pictures and put it up on his website. They truly are amazing. You'll have to compare the one before surgery with the one after. Incredible.
Yesterday I met with an old professor of mine at UK and I am thinking about going back to school to get my masters. Most people look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them that, but I think now is the best time to do it if I ever will. I was looking at a Historic Preservation degree- which is more architecturally-based, but because I missed the original deadline to apply (in March) I began to look at an Interior Design Masters with a specialization in historic preservation. It's only 30 hours and they mentioned I may be able to get a teaching assistant position to help with funding. I'm really excited about it (so, don't try to rain on my parade you school-haters! ;) and I'm looking forward to being back on campus. I just have to get everything ready (GRE) to do it!
Whew... that's all for now!
Tomorrow is another big C-day. We're both dreading it. It seems like the time we spend in the hospital is time we just sit and "wait". I get caught up on my reading, while Jimmy gets caught up on his sleep. I figure I've read about 10 books since September when we first found out about the cancer. Most of the books I've read have been while we were waiting in doctor's offices. Most of the "waits" average about an hour before the doctors even come in to talk to you. The worst time was when we went to Vandy (nearly a four-hour trip down) and had to wait about two and a half hours before we got into a room and then another 30 minutes before the doctor came in for her 10-15 minute assesment, then another four-hour trip home. It was then we vowed, that unless necessary, we were going to skip the wait and request a "telephone" appointment.
This weekend was fairly decent. We went out to dinner with my brother and sister-in-law. The food was great, but it was hot and sticky out on the patio. Still, we had a good time. Saturday wound up being "lazy-clean-the-house-do-the-laundry" day, until we got a phone call around 11:00 that my uncle had had a heart-attack. I wasn't sure how severe it really was until my mom told me they almost lost him on the air-flight to Cincinnati. They finally got him stabilized, but aren't sure how much blockage there is. We've been praying for him and the family. My cousin is like a sister to me and I wish I could be closer to her at this time. But, I know everything will turn out ok.
Today I went down to my parents' house to spend time with them and make some new clothes with my mom. I had forgotten a lot about sewing since I last did it in high school, but, it helps to have your Home Ec teacher as a family member. The sewing went ok- but, I apparently got the pattern a tad bit too small :( so, we had to adjust it a bit (never a good thing when it has to get bigger). Looks like I need to start back on weight watchers- but, it's a real challenge to lose weight when you live with someone who's trying to go the OPPOSITE way. Still, we managed to get a pair of capri pants almost complete. I guess I'm gonna have to get used to sewing more often because my grandfather gave me my grandmother's old sewing machine. It's in good condition- just a bit dusty. It's one that is hidden in a table, so it has a nice "retro" feel to it. I think it will be nice in our living room. I'm really glad he gave it to me- though, it makes me sad to think that it's something my grandmother doesn't need anymore. I know she would want me to have it- probably even be excited about me taking it. I miss her a lot, but, I'm glad I have something so nice to remember her by.
